Help! My cover blurb and bio are kicking my butt!

Thursday, October 21, 2010
In keeping with Week Four (excerpt week), I'm including my draft cover blurb and bio. I'd love to know what you think. Does the teaser give away enough information without being vague? Is my bio funny, or just corny? Things like that. Be honest. If it sucks, someone will evenutally tell me. I'd rather it be before my book comes out. :)

Blurb (reworked on 10-22):

Fourteen-year old Brusenna is the last Witch. All the others have been imprisoned by the Dark Witch. And the without the witches’ songs to shore up the bindings of nature, storms rage, climates cross hardened boundaries, and seeds refuse to germinate.

Hiding from the Witch Hunters and their muskets, Brusenna and her Guardian, Joshen, must find the key to defeating the Dark Witch and rescuing the others. Because if not, there may be nothing left to save.


I'm a study in contradictions. I love dressing up and looking pretty but hate uncomfortable clothes. I love a clean house but hate cleaning. I wanna eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but still wanna fit in my jeans. And perhaps worst of all, I grew up on a cattle ranch but love chicken (don't tell my dad).

I grew up on a cattle ranch on the outskirts of a town measuring ~six blocks by six blocks. I played center on my high school basketball team and competed in barrels and poles in rodeo (top ten in my state my senior year).

I graduated from Utah State with a bachelor in Physical Education and English. While there, I also met and married my husband. We continue to reside in the Rocky Mountains with our three children and our chew-everything-in-sight, chocolate Labrador Retriever, Dove.

So whaddya think? Did I nail them both, or do I need to start over?


  1. I think the blurb and bio are good in general but I do see a couple of typos/grammatical errors. The only really important one is that "sure up" should be "shore up." In addition, from my point of view the first sentence is a run-on sentence. I also think "witches' magical songs" is redundant. ("witches' songs would do just as well.)
    Please don't think I'm trying to rain on your parade! This must be very exciting for you. I'm only pointing this out because I'm assuming these are in the proof stage and can still be corrected. And when you have limited space every word is important.
    Your bio is just darling and I wouldn't change it.

  1. I absolutely dislike people editing my stuff in the comments, but since you asked, here's how I would help you with your cover blurb. I think it's pretty good so far. I'd tweak it this way:

    Fourteen-year old Brusenna is truly alone—the last witch. The others have been imprisoned by the Dark Witch, and without their magical songs to sure (what does "sure up" mean??? - that feels vague to me) up the bindings of nature, the world has fallen into chaos. (How has it fallen into chaos? Once again, this feels vague)

    Hiding from the Witch Hunters and their muskets, Brusenna and her Guardian, Joshen, (hmm, you said she was surely alone up above...having a guardian doesn't seem truly alone) must find the key to defeating the Dark Witch and rescuing the others. If they fail, there may be nothing left to save.


    I think you've accomplished the most difficult thing and structured this well. Just tweaking from here on it. :)

    Your bio should be in third person. I'd lose the whoot whoot line - it's too extraneous and not very professional, in my opinion. THAT is cool, though, that you got top ten!!!

    I'd lose the "get it" line, too. It's a joke I think most people will get, hehe.

    I certainly don't think you need to start over on either of these.

  1. Laura: Thanks!I'll change that to shore up. And don't feel bad, that's why I asked. Better to know now than after it's in print. ;)

    Michelle: I'll rework and repost. Thanks!

  1. Christy said...:

    People don't usually want to hear too much about your personal life. The information about how you are a contradiction etc would really only work if you were writing a humorous book. Even though your blurb is not technically part of your book, you should treat it as if it were. Because you write in the fantasy genre, give your blurb a bit of mystery or magic, give any writing credentials and then a short sentence like, she lives in Utah with her husband and children, etc.
    The blurb is a good start. The only problem is that you need to dumb it down for the reader who has never been introduced to your story. Leave out unfamiliar words that may be confusing at a glance. Also, the last sentences is a fragment. HTH!


  1. Christy: I thought it would be okay because it's a YA book. Thoughts?

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