This is an amazing contest that you should all enter.
Here's the first few lines I'm thinking of entering. Let me know what you think:
Prologue
James Edward Tolman. How was I supposed to know that he would save my life—more than once? How could I know that it wasn’t the first time he had done so?
9 comments:
-
Oh, that's intriguing! Definitely gets me asking questions. :)
-
You guys think it's good enough to enter, or should I work on it some more.
BTW, Glamis, love the new pic. You look, well, glamorous.
-
Thanks, Amber! I really really needed to feel glamorous. :)
I think your paragraph has great potential to catch his eye!
The only thing I don't like too much is the last part - "he had done so"
That phrase just feels forced. Not sure if it's the character's voice? If it's a YA contemporary novel then I'd say it doesn't feel quite right. I know it's good grammar and all. Just my two cents.
It's up to you to enter or not. Good luck!
-
How's this:
James Edward Tolman.
How could I have known that he had saved my life—more than once?
Or that he would again.
-
That changes the meaning of it...doesn't it? Isn't the first one saying that he had saved her life before without her knowing? That was the hook for me. Now you've changed it that it might happen again, but that's not as exciting to me. Maybe I'm reading it wrong?
-
Oh, wait! I see what you've done! Sorry. Um, I'm liking it better, but I liked that hook on the end where we realize he's done something she didn't know about. It felt more exciting. Sorry, I'm tired and obviously not reading carefully.
-
James Edward Tolman.
How was I supposed to know that he would save my life—more than once?
Or that, in a past I no longer knew, he had already done so.
Best I can do tonight. I'm tired too.
-
lol! Well, we can pick this up tomorrow in email if you like. :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I like how the first sentence is just his name.
~ Wendy