"Rash guards" are not an ointment. Did you know?

I'm a white girl. I burn easily. I'm going to Hawaii in November, when my tan has faded to pastiness. You see the problem here? 

SUNBURN 

I tried to go tanning this weekend. I was there for an hour. Never got to tan. The girl working the front desk was special needs. Poor girl couldn't figure out how to work the computer that runs the beds. Not her fault, but I'm not going back there. 

The next closest tanning place is twenty minutes away. Maybe you have 40 minutes in your day. I don't. 

My solution: rash guards. But seriously. Who thought up such an awful name for a piece of clothing. I fe

el like it's something you should get at the backdoor of your pharmacist. 

Also. Do they have to be ugly?!? Most are black. Some have colors but that's usually accompanied by HUGE advertising (cause that's what I want across my chest)

. The top one says For Ever Wild. Because forever is obviously two words in the "rash guard" world. 

Rawr. 

I came out wearing that, my husband would laugh his face off.  

I dont' mind the purple one. But still. Who designs these things?