This story has been drumming around my head for well over a year. In fact, I wrote 100 pages of it before deciding it wasn't strong enough.
Well, now I've changed much of what I didn't like while keeping the elements I love. Here's the first 14 lines!
Hot, sticky peach juice dribbled down Arel’s chin, soaking the front of her shirt and making it stick to her breasts. Her gaze darted around the orchard in frantic sweeps. Plopping the pit in her mouth, she sucked at the remnants while rising from her crouch to reach for another fruit.
“Hey, you! What are you doing there?”
No! Not now! She was too close to the border. Abandoning her half hidden position, she snatched three of the fuzzy orbs and hugged them to her as she ran, heedless of the rocks and sticks that bruised and cut her already mangled feet.
“Thief! Stop!"
She risked a glance back to see a man drop from one of the trees, a short apron that bulged with peaches at his waist. She increased her speed, her fear adding lengths to her stride. The last time a man had chased her, he had caught her.
And taken everything.
Everything.
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powerful beginning. don't stop.