I am now an "Evil Queen Knight of the Cosmic Table"

Yes. You read that right. And DO NOT make the mistake of confusing that for my other title, Chief Grim Throat the Wicked, QUEEN OF THE GREYSHALKS (you can read about it here, just scroll down until you see my terrifying picture). And yes, my family is very proud. 

As far as my newest title, it's all explained in one of the most frolicsome (really thesaurus? That's the best you could do) interviews I've ever done.

Also, I may be sleep deprived and too hyper to go to bed and replied to every single comment in hilarious fashion. Right after which I wrote this post. 

Also we talk about publishing contracts. They're a necessary evil. Like tampons.

What?

Okay fine. I'll go to bed. Where's the Ambien? 

{Giveaway} A Change of Plans by Donna K Weaver

It's time to celebrate the release of Donna Weaver's audiobook! I've known Donna for a few years because we've been on the same author circuit, and we've recently joined forces on a marketing team (more about that later). Here's a bit more about the book:

When Lyn sets off on her supposedly uncomplicated and unromantic cruise, she never dreams it will include pirates. All the 25-year-old, Colorado high school teacher wants to do is forget that her dead fiancé was a cheating scumbag. Lyn plans a vacation diversion; fate provides Braedon, an intriguing surgeon. She finds herself drawn to him: his gentle humor, his love of music, and even his willingness to let her take him down during morning karate practices. Against the backdrop of the ship's make-believe world and temporary friendships, her emotions come alive.

However, fear is an emotion, too. Unaware of the sensitive waters he's navigating, Braedon moves to take their relationship beyond friendship--on the very anniversary Lyn is on the cruise to forget. Lyn's painful memories are too powerful, and she runs from Braedon and what he has to offer.

It’s hard to avoid someone when stuck on the same ship, and the pair finds themselves on one of the cruise's snorkeling excursions in American Samoa. Paradise turns to piracy when their party is kidnapped and Lyn's fear of a fairytale turns grim. Now she must fight alongside the man she rejected, first for their freedom and then against storms, sharks, and shipwreck.

Sounds awesome, right? I love that cover. The girl is so beautiful! Let's have a listen to the audiobook.

You'll find Donna's book available for purchase here:
Audible 
Amazon 
Barnes & Noble

Here's a little more about Donna:
Donna K. Weaver has always loved reading and creating stories and has been ever entertained. A Navy brat. A U.S. Army veteran. An avid cruiser, she’s sailed the Pacific four times. A Shorei Kempo Karate black belt, she lives in Utah with her husband. They have six children, eight grandchildren.

If you'd like to know more about Donna, you can find her here:
Website
Facebook
Twitter
Goodreads

Enter the giveaway here:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Publisher cancels novel because author is gay

Yes. You read that right. I am shaking because I'm so furious. I happen to be friends with both the authors--Micheal Jensen and David Powers King. I also provided a blurb for the book, Woven, which was absolutely fantastic. 

The publisher cancelled the book because Micheal wanted the fact that he lived with his partner in the bio (something that was fine for his straight coauthor's bio). Cedar Fort feared that one of their distributors would drop the book and insisted it be removed (CF knew Micheal was gay from the beginning). 

Micheal fought for his equality, at which point Cedar Fort's owner, Lyle Mortimer "started yelling about my agenda and how I was trying to destroy families. He even started saying inappropriate things about how God had given me a penis for a reason. It was very uncomfortable. Then he threatened to publish Woven without our names attached or without our bios at all—rather than print that one sentence. He told me that if he decided not to publish because of this, I‘d have to buy back the rights to our book and reimburse him for his work so far, and that would cost me thousands of dollars."

Sick as this makes me, I absolutely know Mortimer is capable of such atrocious behavior. 

Why? Because I've had dealings with Cedar Fort before. I haven't talked about it publicly  because I don't believe in badmouthing anyone. Cedar Fort has moved passed that point. I know feel a need to warn my fellow authors away from this TERRIBLE publisher. 

I sent them my first manuscript, The Priestess Prophecy, in 2009. They accepted the book for publication, but their contract was downright predatory. I called to try to negotiate some of the terms. They kept giving me the runaround--pushing me to sign before the contract expired. They told me the only person who could change the contract was Lyle Mortimer, and he was on vacation. I transferred to another employee, who apparently hadn't been briefed on the "Lyle's outta the office" runaround. That's right. Mortimer was upstairs. 

I stood my ground and Lyle finally called me. At which point he yelled at me and told me if I didn't want to sign the contract as it was, he had twenty other authors eager to fill my spot. 

That's when I walked out. 

I know dozens of authors published through Cedar Fort. NONE OF THEM ARE HAPPY. Not one. You are better off never publishing than to publish with Cedar Fort. Just go self publish. You'll be happier and make more money. 

So here's my call to action. Authors, never never never send Cedar Fort another manuscript. They are predatory jerks who will harm your career. 

For the rest of the world, tweet, FB, let others know that regardless of a person's sexual preference, hate will never be tolerated. To read the whole exchange, click here. 

And Micheal, next I see you, I'm giving you a big hug. Hang in there, my friend. You're a wonderful writer! 

*Edit: I find it ironic that the very people screaming for equality are starting to "Mormon bash". I'm a Mormon. Micheal's coauthor, David, is Mormon. I know 4 of the 6 authors who provided blurbs for the book are Mormon. 

Lyle Mortimer's used the Mormons as a scapegoat for his own prejudice (as LDS bookstores already carry books by gay authors, and when was the last time you researched an author's sexual orientation before purchasing a book?). 

For further reading, check out Larry Correia's post, David Powers King's post, or J Scott Savage's response. 

Sidenote: I have a giveaway going on below. Feel free to enter. 

{Giveaway} Come check out my sexy blog button and win!

 

Isn't it awesome! Jessica at Crossroads Reviews made it for me when she redesigned the blog (she's done more hand holding than any one person should have to do for another grown woman. I'm hopeless). First pass, and I love it!

So who's up for a contest?

Put my sexy blog button up on your blog (grab it from the sidebar to your right) and you can win a signed copy of one of my paperback books, your choice! Plus some awesome swag! Second place gets 2 ebooks of their choice. Third place gets one ebook of their choice

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Barnes and Noble's "Pubit"

B&N has come up with a newish tool for their site. It's called Pubit. For the past few days, I've had the opportunity to experience it first hand. And I absolutely hate it.

For you nonpublishers out there, I'll keep it simple: Pubit doesn't recognize simple formatting ("page breaks" for chapters are ignored. You have to use "section breaks"), so the book comes out looking like one big chunk of text. There's no chapters (even though there are). Pubit's solution? Insert random breaks through the document. 

And you can't delete the breaks. 

My left eye is starting to twitch. 

So you can either go through your document and manually change all the formatting just for them, or you can do it from their very own program. The program looks like it might be easier, so you try that. 

Three crashes and starting over twice and the whole left side of my face is twitching. 

So you try to get a hold of customer support. They're too busy to talk to you. So sorry. 

N'kay, Pubit, let me take your hand and tell you how it is. Publishers are a busy lot. I don't have time to play with your crappy program. Just accept my document with the industry standard formatting so I can move on with my day. 

If you don't, you're simply giving me more reason to hang out with Amazon . I don't like to play favorites, but Amazon doesn't make me jump through hoops. They answer all my questions promptly and take care of crap on their end. Also, I make 10X more money with them. 

You can see how our relationship is feeling the strain? 

Get it together, Barnes and Noble. You're already playing catch up. 

Witch Fall might make it after all . . .

You guys have no IDEA how stressed I've been. The first half and last quarter of Witch Fall are done and I love it. The latter part of the middle doesn't exist. And the bleeping thing is due out in October. I've been wracking my brain and struggling with it for months. Finally, I just decided to start with a character rewrite and hope for the best. And then I read this article. Here's the short of it:

"The antagonist is the beating heart of the story. He/She/It creates the crisis and the crucible that forces our protagonist to become a hero. If we don’t know the endgame, we have no idea how to insert roadblocks, create misdirection, setbacks, or drama. So if you keep getting stuck? It might not be you are lazy or fearful (I wasn’t either). It might be your foundation (the antagonist/core story problem) either isn’t there or it’s weak and unable to support the bulk of 65-100,000 words."
~Kristen Lamb

Light-freakin'-bulb! My problem is I have two villains with dual purposes, which makes a mess out of the middle and undermines the beginning and the end (because one villain appears at the beginning, the other at the end).

The two need to be collaborators! This changes everything. Why didn't I see it before? It's so simple and so perfect and I missed it!

But really, who cares, because now I can finish the bleeping thing, and maybe, just maybe, I'll make my deadline. Pray my kids cooperate.

No really. Pray. It's gonna take a miracle.