I recently read an article by Mettie Ivie Harrison about "
being too strong for too long," and it struck such resonance in me I had to share it here in hopes that it strikes you as much as it did me (and thanks to Mettie for letting me share excerpts).
In the article, Mettie talks about the moment when she realized she couldn't keep her momentum going anymore. "Every minute of every day had to have a purpose. Most of them had to have two purposes. And I was ruthless when I reviewed my attempts."
Sing it to me sister.
I'm a driven person. I have goals and I work hard toward them. Sometimes to the point
where I push myself into emotional exhaustion. Classic overachiever with a long list of accomplishments (I won't bore you with the details). Any failure by myself was treated with self loathing and disappointment.
Pushing myself hard got results, at least results as far as achievements go.
But there was a price for being so unforgiving a taskmaster.
That price didn't come due until college. Trying to balance my new marriage while keeping my GPA up and living on next to nothing completely overwhelmed me and I started having daily anxiety attacks. My life ground to a halt and I couldn't understand what was wrong with me.
It took a lot of hard work to relearn how to relax. How to love myself. Forgive myself for my shortcomings and failures. I learned that a happy person is a balanced person. A person who nurtures their spiritual and emotional self--not just their physical and academic self. That relaxing wasn't an epic waste of time but time to recharge.
It was a hard lesson to learn, but I learned it well.
I still catch myself pushing too hard (I have three young kids, my husband is gone a lot with work, I exercise an hour 3 times a week, volunteer at my kids' school, write and market for my book, try to do my hair and makeup, housework, and church responsibilities (I teach Sunday School--what were they thinking???) but I've learned to back off before I fall apart.
I could sense myself getting overwhelmed for a couple months around Witch Song's release. Instead of pushing myself to schedule more signings etc, I took a step back. Now my goal is to do one signing/school visit a month. Not a lot, but I enjoy one activity a month. More than that stresses me out and I miss my kidlets too much. Maybe I can do more when they are older.
To read Mettie's article, go here:
http://metteivieharrison.tumblr.com/post/12802523421/too-strong-for-too-long
What aspect do you struggle more with: Spiritual, physical, emotional, social, or something else entirely?
Also, it's looking like January's event will be a signing in SLC at Sam Weller's. More to come.
Merry Christmas!
